Place and Time Workshop #2

Today I looked at Cailan and Stephen’s paper. Calian’s paper is more of a short story. Through out her paper she shared her experiences on dance marathon. The biggest error that I found in her essay is that there was no formatting. Even though that could be easy corrected, it was confusing to read due to the fact there were times when I was unsure where her paragraphs stop and start. Cailan’s paper was incomplete so I would not full see how she would incorporate the different moments in one story. Stephen’s paper on the other hand was almost complete. His paper was more of a vignette. While reading through his paper I could not see the change in time or place. I took a moment to ask him what style of writing he was writing in and I advise him to make it very clear to the readers when there is a change in time or place. By doing that the reader will not be puzzled whether or not the paper was written in vignette style. The part I like most in Stephen’s paper is when he is describing how annoying the campers could be. I was able to understand his pain because I am also a part and rec specialist.

For my paper I could incorporate more dialog. That way the readers could feel like they are there with me. One comment that was stressed in my paper was my grammar usage.